My story

My name is Karen, I grew up in NYC and was raised by hippie parents ;). My parents own a dance school and raised me visiting chiropractors first before MDs. I will give you the readers digest version and try not to go into too much detail, but want you to get the right picture! That being said I am a very unique individual who is either loved or not liked! I have a  strong personality and I am all or nothing. I am not here pretending to be an expert on anything BUT certainly have educated myself and  experienced much in my lifetime. I hope sharing  my experiences and detective work it can help others.
I married at 32 to the man I was in love with from the age of 21. I had a bumpy ride for many of my years. I was a dancer and then became a hairdresser. At 38 had my son…and my whole world changed. I owned my own salon when I got pregnant and gave birth. A women who worked three jobs most of her life and a real go getter.  I worked until I went into labor!  Left  ALL of it to be a mom!!! I never thought I would ever be a stay at home mom!!! I am far from a homemaker !!! We made many sacrifices and it has been my hardest job ever!!! I never knew how hard it was to stay home all day with a child. To have no one to talk to, not know if it was day or night, not shower OH and best of all NEVER SLEEP!!! The days were long but the years go fast.
 Fast forward to my son being 20 months old and putting him into a daycare program to be with other children part time. Yes you guessed it, before long he was sick every other week!! All of a sudden he starts coughing like crazy and starts weezing and I am scared out of my mind! Well this was when life changed. I was told he had asthma and was injected with a steriod and had a mask over his face with a nebulizer attached , who knew this would be my new life!
As time went on it was ear infection after infection, chronic congestion and scary coughs. Whenever we went to the pediatrician(which was always) I had a handfull of perscriptions to fill. I would sit in the car and cry as I waited for them. First it was so much to put in a babies body and second we had no perscription plan and didnt have the money to fill them. Finally I end up at the ENT and they want to put tubes in his ears. That was when I lost it and started going back to my roots. How could a 2 years olds body be that screwed up? My girlfriend recommended a chiropractor she used for her son that had similair problems. Now began the up hill battle BUT one I trusted and believed in.  My son was speech delayed, but since he understood so much no one but ME was concerned. Finally against most opinions I had him evaluated with early intervention.  It was determined his speech delay wasnt from his clogged ears and  therapy was to begin.  We were at the chiropractor 3xs per week. Fast forward a few months of chiropractic, removing milk and toxic chemicals from my house, and BAM ….ENT says his ears are clear!!! NO surgery! SO BEGINS THE “CRAZY” Mamma!

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2/2/15

2/2/15.
Today marks 6 months of a life I am living I don’t know.
Amazing how the shock and experience of it all is always so clear.
So many people besides myself affected by this tragic loss.
Everyone deals with things differently. Some pretend it never happened. Others look the other way. Others can’t push past it. Others are angry. The list goes on.
I have heard so many people say, ” I just don’t know what to say or do”. So they do nothing. They say nothing and offer nothing in return. They ask ” how are you doing?”, no really ” how are you doing?”
I learned that no one “really” wants the answer. How am I doing? I am doing!! I have no choice but to do. I have a little boy who lost his father so loosing his mother isn’t an option. As a mother I can’t fix this. I can’t take away his pain. I fight with all I have in me and pull from everything, to find the strength to keep it all going.
I have a sick mother and a heart broken son,mother/father/brother in laws to name a few.
Truth is after the first few days everyone gives what they have and go back to their own lives. Leaving the people who are suffering alone to fight their battles.
So don’t judge others as you know not what struggles they have. Sometimes tequila at noon, sometimes a Xanax at 6am. Sometimes a night out, sometimes a night in. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone.

I have learned so much from all of this. I try to always draw from the positive as we all need something to hold on to. Live your life guilt free and be true to yourself and to others. Always say what you feel and mean what you say. I have the beauty inside of me that lived in my hero of a husband. That is where I draw from. A pure unconditional love most don’t find in a lifetime. My beautiful son who represents that love.
I continue to ask for the strength to heal his soul and give him the love of two.
I am grateful for whomever shows me kindness , love , support and most of all sincerity. I am grateful when I am able to feel my heart beating and there is joy somewhere in there. I cling to the knowledge of knowing something great is always around the corner. I now have an angel to guide me through.
I am here to tell you without a doubt that dying from a broken heart isn’t possible. Living with a broken heart is. I personally don’t think any amount of time will ever mend it. You just put it behind you and move forward however you see fit with whatever makes your heart pound. That’s how you know you are alive!!

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