2/2/15

2/2/15.
Today marks 6 months of a life I am living I don’t know.
Amazing how the shock and experience of it all is always so clear.
So many people besides myself affected by this tragic loss.
Everyone deals with things differently. Some pretend it never happened. Others look the other way. Others can’t push past it. Others are angry. The list goes on.
I have heard so many people say, ” I just don’t know what to say or do”. So they do nothing. They say nothing and offer nothing in return. They ask ” how are you doing?”, no really ” how are you doing?”
I learned that no one “really” wants the answer. How am I doing? I am doing!! I have no choice but to do. I have a little boy who lost his father so loosing his mother isn’t an option. As a mother I can’t fix this. I can’t take away his pain. I fight with all I have in me and pull from everything, to find the strength to keep it all going.
I have a sick mother and a heart broken son,mother/father/brother in laws to name a few.
Truth is after the first few days everyone gives what they have and go back to their own lives. Leaving the people who are suffering alone to fight their battles.
So don’t judge others as you know not what struggles they have. Sometimes tequila at noon, sometimes a Xanax at 6am. Sometimes a night out, sometimes a night in. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone.

I have learned so much from all of this. I try to always draw from the positive as we all need something to hold on to. Live your life guilt free and be true to yourself and to others. Always say what you feel and mean what you say. I have the beauty inside of me that lived in my hero of a husband. That is where I draw from. A pure unconditional love most don’t find in a lifetime. My beautiful son who represents that love.
I continue to ask for the strength to heal his soul and give him the love of two.
I am grateful for whomever shows me kindness , love , support and most of all sincerity. I am grateful when I am able to feel my heart beating and there is joy somewhere in there. I cling to the knowledge of knowing something great is always around the corner. I now have an angel to guide me through.
I am here to tell you without a doubt that dying from a broken heart isn’t possible. Living with a broken heart is. I personally don’t think any amount of time will ever mend it. You just put it behind you and move forward however you see fit with whatever makes your heart pound. That’s how you know you are alive!!

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Monday evening RANT from a member…..MEN vs Women

Repost from a member.
Please post anonymously.
Just wondering if anyone else gets annoyed when your spouse doesn’t hold their weight. I work all day, prepare breakfast and pack a lunch for school. Pick then up from after school and then do dinner and homework. All I ask is for him to give them a bath and help clean up after dinner,and I get a song and don’t. Really? Anyone else dealing with this? How do I not flip out? How would you handle this? Appreciate any input. Thanks

Dad vs Mom

This is certainly a rant! I start this by saying I have one of the good guys He is a hard worker and in spite of my “crazy” antics he loves me to death!! Oh and a great father! THAT BEING SAID………… News brief to all. Although I am grateful that I am with my lil man 24/7 NEVER underestimate how hard that job is! Being home with your child is BY FAR the hardest job. I am also blessed with a child who loves life and doesnt want to miss a second of it! So when you are on your 25th hour and your spouse comes home from work and complains of what a long day they have you want to through something at them!!!
Being tired can put a strain on any relationship.
Always treasure the person who has put themselves aside to care for you! Last night was my first night without a call for mommie. Meanwhile my spouse is still sleeping while I have been awake since 5am ish! Yeah lets see….hmmm why am I a cranky “crazy” mamma?! 😉
I welcome your comments..
TTYL